Donkey Okay? - E-Mail Correspondence With Spooky St. Ives

Andrew Macdonald

19 November 2002 09:37

Right of reply.

It is true to say that brassicas represent a clear and present danger to civilised life in the twenty first century, and that those who will not or cannot accept the threat they represent are deluding themselves and placing themselves and their families in considerable danger. We are not brassica obsessed, but, rather, a still, small voice trying to alert the world to the peril that confronts it.

And if anybody else incinerates that we're from Lincolnshire, we'll sue their sorry ass.

Vile Jelly

19 November 2002 16:38

Wouldn't that be a bit cruel on the donkey? I mean it hasn't actually done anything to you and it's apologising anyway.

Oh well, it's up to you. I don't really care who you sue as long as you keep up the struggles against the green forces of evil.

PS. I enclose the Reporting Team's latest oil painting. It is called 'St. Ives By Gaslight'

Andrew Macdonald

20 November 2002 10:13

Blimey! That took a long time to download. I thought the internet must have got into a tangle somewhere, then I saw the reason why.

I assume from the crepuscular picture that those nice people from Transco haven't finished tumble drying all the gas and stuffing it back into the pipes yet?

OK, we'll be nice to the donkey. We'll adopt the Spanish approach and lob it off the nearest church tower. Fair enough?

Vile Jelly

20 November 2002 15:36

Apologies for the download time, I forgot to put the picture through the image cruncher before I e-mailed it.

Sloop and Island Road got gas back on Sunday evening although I believe that it is still cut off in some places. I presume the Emmet (sorry, Tourist) Board is going to have to resort to some photographic jiggery-pokery for next year's brochure pics of 'unspoilt' St. Ives as Transco have left virtually no cobble unturned. You'd think the town had an infestation of giant gophers given the number of holes about the place.

Leave the poor donkey alone. It's going to find it hard enough to make a living in the Summer giving rides along Spain's beautiful black, slippery beaches.

Andrew Macdonald

21 November 2002 17:29

Just a thought, but how the hell do you get a donkey to the top of a church tower in the first place?

Vile Jelly

21 November 2002 17:45

By a simple act of faith .....

Or should that be an act of simple faith .....

Or possibly by using holy carrots.

PS. Talking of which, what's Quasimodo's favourite whisky? [Warning failure to answer this naff old joke yourself could result in almost as an unpleasant an experience as that caused by the 'joke' itself].

Andrew Macdonald

21 November 2002 18:12

I'd use the stairs meself.

Wouldn't be the Bells would it?

Vile Jelly

22 November 2002 07:03

Congratulations, you win a Spanish Donkey Chucking Holiday for two.

[Offer subject to terms and conditions. Offer must be taken up prior to February 31st 1976].

Andrew Macdonald

22 November 2002 08:53

Oh, well. Still, it's more than Trevor's won in the Meat Draw lately.

Reporting Team

23 November 2002 08:43

VJ and Trevor won nuffink again last knight. All our hopes are pinned on you and Helling for neckst Fryday. Main prize is a fortnight in Linkingsheer and a lifetime's supply of brockly!

Gud news, tho, is Doom Bar shud be bak on at the office (we mean, Sloop, hem hem) so you will be able to bye us all lashings of beer (Soup Dragon will have a G & T). Bring lots of munny.

Bwahahaha!

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