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Helen Bristol 15 February 2003 15:24 Re. Testing
Umm.........
Custard sound uncharacteristically placatory. CM thinks he's allowed to
be judgemental owing to his oriental ancestry. He's walked all over the
keyboard, even sat on it but the pages were not available.
Just had a spooky experience! I was surfing the net and typed Redenhall
( our parish name) into Google and clicked on about the only info that wasn't
someone from the US of A trying to trace his ancestry back to European
royalty.( I bet even Dubya has had a go at that. Would be deliciously
ironic if his forebears were French or German) As the page began to
unfold the background was the same as SSI. Even Big Mac was temporarily
confused when I called him in to have a look.
See you're all set for a busy summer! Said in today's paper (so it must
be true) that surfing is THE thing this summer and all the surfer-dudes
and dudesses will be heading for Cornwall. There, I thought that would cheer
you up.
Vile Jelly 15 February 2003 17:16
Aaaaah, even more emmets .....
I console myself with the thought that if I knuckle down and fight the good
fight I'll get my reward in the afterlife .....
..... unless, of course, this is the afterlife, in which case I've died and
gone to hell!
Helen Bristol 15 February 2003 17:32 Thought you lived in St Ives not Cardboard Bay! Vile Jelly 16 February 2003 08:54
Ah, but you've got to bear in mind that hell is supposed to be ..... well,
..... hell!
Ipso facto, Cardboard Bay couldn't be hell because I wouldn't be overly
bothered by seeing it being trashed by emmets. Whereas (and hereforunto) the
trashing of St. Ives is an eternal (and internal) torment for me.
Helen Bristol 16 February 2003 13:42
Wot you doing up and about at such and ungodly hour on a Sunday morning, or
had you only just got back from a night out in Cardboard Bay with the RT?
If CB can't be hell and from what you say certainly isn't heaven (although it
didn't look too bad when we drove through it) it must be some sort of Limbo
Vile Jelly 16 February 2003 16:32
It was a consequence of having done so many brekky shifts during the week, I
just woke up early on autopilot. To be honest, I don't mind because the last
thing I want to do with time off is waste it sleeping!
Cardboard Bay is more purgatory than limbo, I think. Paradise is so near and
yet so far away!
Even further away now that the authorities have decided to dig up the road.
Helen Bristol 17 February 2003 11:53 Which road have they dug up? Give me some idea of which way it is to Paradise. Vile Jelly 17 February 2003 14:09
I meant that from Cardboard Bay paradise is so near and yet so far away.
The frog and toad in question is the road that takes you by the hand and leads
you through the streets of St. Ives.
Helen Bristol 17 February 2003 14:32 being a bear of very little brain, and not firing on all cylinders until at least 10 a.m. I thought you were speaking as if you were already in St. Ives and had to go through Cardboard Bay to wherever your Paradise maybe. Not that you were in CB and SI is Paradise. Jograffy is not my strong point. Vile Jelly 17 February 2003 16:12
Oh don't worry, sometimes ..... well, a lot of the time ..... I don't even
understand myself.
Fortunately, whenever I am losing my grip on reality I have the RT to talk to!
Helen Bristol 17 February 2003 16:54 Well that's all right then. I either talk to MC or Big Mac. Have my cousin staying for a couple of days so I'll have to go and be the perfect hostess! Vile Jelly 17 February 2003 17:32
What? Like the trolley?
You have heard the Victoria Wood song haven't you?
Helen Bristol 18 February 2003 09:11 Yes I have. Do I in any way resemble a trolley .......No don't answer that! Cous. teaches computing so the conversation can be a mite tekkie at times. Vile Jelly 18 February 2003 09:53
There's nowt wrong with Star Trek, I used to love the Next Generation series
(videoed them all!). Just remember when you are offering them refreshments
it's 'tea ... Earl Grey ... hot'!
Oh, sorry, misread that last bit didn't I?
Helen Bristol 18 February 2003 12:41
I completely agree, I used to watch Star Trek too.
Yes, you did. Perhaps you need to go and have a lie down.
Talking of which, I've just been signed off for 4 weeks by the GP ( loads of
symphony). I shall go slowly barmy not being able to do anything.
If I felt ill, like you did, it wouldn't be so bad - comparatively speaking.
Perhaps I could learn how to use my computer!!! read War and Peace,
bombard Phoney Tony with anti war letters or just sit here watching the Blue
Tits trying to make up their minds whether they are going to use the nest box
again this year. My cup runneth over.
Vile Jelly 18 February 2003 14:10
4 weeks off!
Ye gods, what are you going to do with all that time? No excuses for not
launching Naughty Norfolk now. I shall expect to be notified of your web
address in the near future.
Meanwhile, I have finally managed to bodge the Gurnard's Head feature together
and (uploads permitting) it should be coming out of the closet on Friday.
Honestly, you wouldn't believe the amount of man/hedgehog/sheep/dragon/etc.
hours that goes into these things. I think some sort of liquid restorative is
now in order!
Helen Bristol 18 February 2003 14:17
How can I possibly launch Naughty Norfolk single-handed without the
undoubtedly invaluable assistance of man and various fluffy/spikey animals?
I'm still incredibly computer illegitimate. BM gets annoyed with me when I
call some process or other by the wrong technical name. I know what I mean, I
just don't speak the language. Lets face it, I have trouble with
Anglo-Saxon from time to time.
Some of the local youf have a site about where to meet, what to do. Like
in "see you down the rec". I think I found it while surfing in a
mildly desultory manner around Redenhall/Harleston.
Do I take it that you're not slaving at the Sloop today? Are you on a
late shift?
Vile Jelly 18 February 2003 15:47
Nonsense, woman, you don't need to be an internet guru to launch your website.
Hell, we certainly aren't!
Can't Catto Macho help you, you said he was a worldly-wise computer buff.
Don't worry about BM, he's obviously just one of those people who are
impressed by big words (like Macdonald!). Just tell him to shut his (WYSIWYG
inter)face and help out instead if he's so knowledgeable.
PS. Got a few days off wurk. Not that I am up to much (apart from finally
doing Gurnard's Head) it's just that we worked such long hours last year that
we have all accumulated more holiday entitlement than you can shake a stick at
(and we've got to use it all before 1 April)!
Helen Bristol 18 February 2003 16:18
Thought you went yomping over the moors on your days off.
Catto Macho is fine for keeping the keyboard, not to mention the mouse, warm
but that's about the extent of his IT abilities. Oh yes, and his occasional
ambles across still-wet print-outs. I suppose the likes of Bruin, Big
Ted and Little Ted, Tigger, Kanga and Baby Roo could be roped in to assist.
I think McAfees is going to have a nervous breakdown soon if I keep hitting
the reply button and messages called Testing keep being sent. Seems to
think I'm a virus or worm or somesuch.
Vile Jelly 18 February 2003 17:39
Don't let the macafees (weren't they a biblical Jewish tribe?) get you down.
It's not true in my case but it could be in yours .....
In the immortal words of Winston Churchill:-
"We are all worms ..... but I believe that I am a glow worm'!
Helen Bristol 19 February 2003 10:27
Yes, something like that. One of the 12, or were they the 13th? Sorry,
wrong sci-fi series. What do you mean? the virus, the worm or the
somesuch?
I thought only ladies glowed.
My eccentric Cous leaves today. Think Rasputin about the same height as
me. Only his long hair and straggly beard are going grey these days even
though he's younger than yours truly. He's catwalk skinny. And I
mean eccentric. Last night we 3 went out for a pub meal. (Not up to
the Sloop standards, of course) Outside temperature was -3 and everything
covered in frost. He's wearing Tshirt, thin jumper, SHORTS, and a shawl
thingy! This may be OK in the Metrolops.but I hardly think that the
Waveney Valley is ready for it. It must come from the other side of
the family. Chekov had his Uncle Vanya, I have my Uncle Nikolai. No,
really.
Vile Jelly 19 February 2003 12:10
All seems perfectly normal to me. You see people wandering around in shorts
365 days every tenth of a decade round here.
PS. I don't remember Chekhov's Uncle Vanya, I thought he just had Capt. Kirk
& co. for company. Everybody, all together now, "Kopten, there is a
Klingon wessel on the starboard bow".
PPS. Sorry, in a mad mood today. I'll go and lie down in a darkened mineshaft.
Helen Bristol 19 February 2003 14:39
OK, fine. Not a usual sight in this neck of the woods. Folk are
more likely to be swaddled in coypu skins.
Just today? Must be the combination of days off and half term ( I
assume you're not at skool today) and weather conditions. CM gets
spooked when the weather is windy.
A bit of chimney brick has just fallen through the greenhouse roof. BM
was remarkably calm about it.
Vile Jelly 20 February 2003 08:44
No. No skool for a couple of weeks. Half-turd and then an 'enrichment week'
which consists of all the spotty freeloaders swanning off somewhere foreign at
the taxpayers expense while those that dwell in the real world merely get a
day off!
Not that I begrudge them the trip to foreign parts (especially when you see
all those stories about coach drivers who haven't slept for three days)! Good
luck to them I say.
Never mind BM, how did CM take the flying brick or is he used to having
inanimate objects buzzed at him?
Helen Bristol 20 February 2003 10:58
CM? fortunately he was in the feline dreamworld stalking mice. Couldn't
say which of his beds he was on. He follows the sun round the house
(indoors at this time of year) Don't know when the brick parted
company with the chimney. Didn't hear a thing but then I might have been
at the bakers or something when it crashed. If CM had been awake, with his
already shot nerves, we would probably have had to scrape him off the
ceiling. He's more afraid of animate objects like birds and people's feet
(not on purpose you understand, its just that he has an incredible knack of
moving to exactly where you're going to put your foot down just when you're in
a precariously balance state
BM's gone to Brassica-land today.
Vile Jelly 20 February 2003 11:25
You've got the sun indoors?
No wonder the place is falling apart. Well, I'm sure you know what you're
doing and no doubt it brightens up the place in the depths of winter. But for
gawd's sake, don't start messing about with quantum singularities!
I can just imagine Large Overcoat trying frantically to defend himself from
hordes of marauding sprouts. Tell him to try seawater, it worked in the Day of
the Triffids, I seem to recall.
Helen Bristol 20 February 2003 11:51
Of course! and the grauniad.
Our house has those new-fangled inventions called windows I'll leave the
quantum thingy to those wot know what they're doing with it.
LO is going to Grimsby so there'll be plenty of sea water to hand.
Its a beautiful day here today I wish I could get out and start work on the
garden. Instead I said I'd do some phoning for BM. (yawn, yawn)
Vile Jelly 20 February 2003 17:12
Fighting off all those sprouts and then being forced to go to GRIMsby. No
wonder the poor man spends his few conscious hours sending us deranged e-mails
about Doom Bar.
Still, I'm sure it's character-building ..... a man who can cope with constant
exposure to venomous green knobbly things should be able to cope with
collateral damage.
If not, I'm sure that between the two of you, you and CM must have got the
will sown up!
Helen Bristol 20 February 2003 17:37 Happy Memories
I've just spent a happy afternoon browsing through your pieces on walks to
Zennor and Rosewall. Funny how the memory forgets the bad bits.
Even seeing the awful path to Zennor I was thinking "I could do that
again." Whatever happened to "never,never,never, not even if
you paid me £1M"? Thanks for that.
No sign of BM yet. Don't know if he'll make it past the checkpoint.
Vile Jelly 20 February 2003 18:45
How not?
Did he forget to take a cheque book with him?
I've heard rumours about these iguana republics (or whatever the phrase is).
PS. If he does make it back, don't let him in until you've checked the whites
of his eyes. If they've got a greenish tinge then he has probably been
infected by you know what!
Helen Bristol 21 February 2003 09:50
He made it! Thankfully uninfected. Creased and frazzled but
otherwise unbowed.
What cheque book? for heaven's sake he's not called Mac because he's a namby
southerner who goes about distributing largesse
Anyway Brassicas don't go rampaging about the countryside like Triffids.
They're more into standing about in fields looking all innocent releasing
their unpleasantness later on........
Vile Jelly 21 February 2003 14:28
That's funny because when I and the RT representatives met him he was
definitely distributing largeness!
Thanks for the top tip on the b's, I shall sleep a bit easier tonight (but not
if a field of them mysteriously appears outside the house over night).
Helen Bristol 21 February 2003 17:37 Don't forget, I was there too. He was just doing it to impress Vile Jelly 22 February 2003 08:54
So, that's his game, is it?
We'll have to hatch some cunning plan to shrivel him up next time he's in
town!
Do you think he'll notice if we swap his Doom Bar for sprout juice?
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