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Andrew Macdonald 09 May 2003 10:03 Wibble
(emerges briefly from behind protective beard.....)
Either a) Professor Stanley Unwin has just contacted you from the other
side, or
b) she's been
drinking Canada Dry.
I don't know when pensions day is St Ives or if you've ever been in
Tesco on pension day, but here it's Thursday, and going into Budgens on a
Thursday is taking your life in your hands. You are constantly getting
rammed in the back of the legs by shopping trolleys and butted by little old
men who seem to think that because they are about 103 they have an inalienable
right to stamp on your feet prior to going straight to the front of the queue
where they will spend about twenty minutes counting out £17.36 in small
change to pay for the shopping, which usually seems to consist of four packets
of lard, a bottle of Glen Ulan Bator 2 week old Mongolian whisky and a tin of
Chum.
Only yesterday I had to jump for my life to avoid being run down by an member
of the Provisional Tuesday Ladies' Luncheon Club with a laden trolley and
a tee shirt saying "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I shall fear no evil, because I'm the meanest motherf[****]r
in the valley". This town, eh?
Vile Jelly 09 May 2003 11:13
Yes, well they did fight in two world wars for us, you know.
Although, it would also to be fair to point out that their generation did
actually start the two world wars in question, whereas today's bunch of
slackers can barely manage a one-sided skirmish in a desert!
Still, can't sit here and 'talk shite' all day (see this week's updates), got
to write and promulgate a thesis on the manifest benefits of economic
migration.
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