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Helen Bristol 14 June 2003 14:28 Saffron
Have read your discourse with Maeve. Saffron is the stamens of the autumn
crocus. Saffron Walden got its name because they grow in abundance there.
Its a pretty mauve crocus and not the same thing at all as the spring crocus.
Hey, you could make your fortune growing the things in Cornwallshire, but
rather labour-intensive as the stamen have to be hand picked. Pro'bly
find that they don't like granity soil.
Off out to spend this evening with foodie friends, something about a Spanish
theme so guess we'll be getting a taxi home as they live about 16 miles from
here.
Vile Jelly 14 June 2003 19:32
Hell, we can't even grow grass on some parts of Krusty Kernow, let alone
flowery things. Still, nun the wiser as to why they went so far at such
expense to produce a yellow currant bun. Hadn't they heard of turmeric?
PS. Talking of Spanish cuisine have you heard the one about the bloke on
holiday with his girlfriend?
They go into a restaurant for a meal and, seeking to impress her, he spots one
of the locals having a plate piled high with slices of meat.
"That looks good," says he to the waiter, "I'll have the
same."
"I'm sorry, senor," says the waiter, "But that is a local specialty,
the spoils of victory from the bullring. That dish was made from the testicles
of the bull that was killed today by the matador. There is only one kill and
so there is only one meal."
"OK," says the bloke, "Can I order the meal for tomorrow,
then."
And, thusly, did he return the next day for his prized meal.
But when the waiter produced the plate it only had some small, shrivelled
slices of non-descript meat.
"Hey!, what's this," said the bloke, "This isn't the same dish
you served up yesterday."
"It is, senor," replied the waiter. "Exactly the same, the
spoils of victory from the bullring ..... But, hey gringo, sometimes the bull
wins!"
Helen Bristol 15 June 2003 21:41
Or even Haldi or marigolds ( not the gloves)
BM not too good overnight but I was asleep so ........
.............it was a good meal, think I'll go for tapas this summer
Vile Jelly 15 June 2003 22:12 What's Haldi? A posh mega-cheap supermarket for people from the home counties? Helen Bristol 16 June 2003 17:16
What , and you a cookperson? Its the Indian sub-continent ( not sure if
its Hindi, Gujarati etc) name for turmeric. I use the name cos all my
spice jars are in a box so I wrote the names on the lids and Haldi is
shorter. Would be a good name for a deli, not quite as twee as
"Saffron" or "Thyme and Place" Anyway why would
peeps in the home counties need anything cheap? So that they can afford
a second home in Penwith?
Even more promo this weekend in the Observer. Extolling the virtues of
yet another idyllically situated hotel on the edge of the cliff at Porthscatho
(it did look fantastic) and surfing at Newquay. It's all very well telling
people they should holiday in the UK but Tone's bunch haven't thought about
the exercise of pouring a gallon into a pint pot through a pipette
Vile Jelly 16 June 2003 17:58
Pseudo-cookperson, methinks!
What, you mean that the august organs of the fifth estate didn't mention that
to get to these 'paradises' you only have to get to Cornwall via one of two A
roads or one railway line (repairs on the Tamar Bridge permitting)! I think
the AA and the Greasy Spoon Cafes will be doing a roaring trade in the
Devon/Cornwall badlands this Summer!
PS. Ex-Saint Winwaloe didn't like my farewell 'moan' about the cost of housing
down here (despite it, oddly for Spooky St. Ives, being entirely factual
reporting). Can't see how he can continue to pass himself off as a modern
Cornish saint when he is fighting for the demon hordes!
Helen Bristol 17 June 2003 20:29
Will there be curtain rods at dawn?
I s'pose if one sets oneself up to rival St Piran and finds oneself associated
with, in the eyes of some Ians, the tarnishing effects of the less than
perfect, one could get a tad sniffy.
I'm a techie equivalent of a grass widow tonite - BM's away with the Germans
in deepest sussex
Monsooning here at the present, so that's b******d up the alfresco evening
meal for one
Here in the east there are times, like now, when the wet sky is green.
It was always so. I suppose its the reflection of the vast acres of
maturing crops.
Vile Jelly 18 June 2003 09:12
Well, I was considering having him burnt at the stake but then I thought
better of it. Instead, I'll get him and BM down here at the same time and they
can duke it out in the Saucy Chef over a burnt steak! To be fair, I did
think that his assertion that the locals were 'ripping off' the incomers viz.
cost of housing was rather a major fall from Cornish grace. It seemed a bit
like the Germans blaming the Allies for the mess Europe was in in 1945!
Anyway, he seems to have taken martyrdom on the chin so who knows, maybe he'll
make a Lazarus-like comeback.
Is BM being 'away with the Germans' a similar metaphor to being 'away with the
fairies' or have I grasped the incorrect terminus of the branch?
Don't get green skies down here. Get green seas and some cracking red skies
(probably due to blazing ships running aground).
Helen Bristol 18 June 2003 09:45
No, literally, away (as in not at home) with the germans ( as in meeting with
some german colleagues) so I was on my own. He'll be back some time today.
Though I suppose he may also have been away with the fairies but who am I
to cast nasturtiums?
You get some fabulous sea colours down there. I'm told, but have
never seen it, that the sea here has fluorescence sometimes as well. Our
green skies only happen at this time year.
T'would be a pity if the ex-saint goes off in a snit. I enjoy the
exchanges. He only has to read the stuff in the press about costs of
living, house prices across the UK, and general things about "getting it
right" in tourism to know that its not just Cornwall that's expensive. In
the article I was reading Great Yarmouth was sited as a great place to
holiday???????? Maybe cos its on my doorstep, but I avoid the place like the
plague. I can't imagine looking through a holiday brochure and thinking
"that looks nice" but then how often do places turn out to be like
the piccie and blurb? SI has the advantage(?) of having a great
reputation and being a fantastic place to be. ( I'll claim my 5% commission
when I come down )
Vile Jelly 18 June 2003 11:44
The reckless devil. What was he doing, trying to flog them some fire escapes?
Anyway, I'd be careful what you infer, let she who is without sin cast the
first nasturtium!
What's wrong with Great Yarmouth? We think it's a fantastic place that
everyone should visit on their Summer holidays this year ..... as are
Hartlepool, Burnley, Stoke, Milton Keynes and, in deed, anywhere that isn't
St. Ives! Perhaps we could persuade the Ministry for Rip-offs (er, I mean
Tourism) to boost the tourist industry for the rest of the UK by rationing
visits to St. Ives. Better still, if we could persuade Don Blaireone to move
the 'family' (sans horses' heads preferably) down here, he'd soon make sure
that no one else got a look in!
Or maybe would could introduce a St. Ives Congestion Charge. If the locals got
a tenner in the kitty for every visitor then we'd be able to afford
houses (and holidays ...... elsewhere!). Hm, time to assemble a few Checkpoint
Charlies on the access roads, methinks. Bwahahaha!
Helen Bristol 18 June 2003 12:30
Not far off the mark............ its something to do with fire protection kit
for IT equipment....... they make it and BM and a guy called John will be
marketing it in the UK.
I'd be the first to admit that I am far from sinless........anyway, what's
wrong with nasturtiums (except that its tricksy to spell)
Tell you what - you can have Great Yarmouth, free, gratis and I'll take SI in
exchange. Deal? If the Cumbria plod can close the Lake District, which
they seem to do at least once a year (usually the only dry, hot bank holiday) why
can't the Cornwall Constabulary close Cornwall? As you said, it only
means blocking a couple of A roads. You could do worse than consulting
Red Ken but he'd probably only drone on about friendly amphibians.
They are also boosting hols in Scotland, IOW, Yorkshire..........talking of
which BM is off up there tomorrow and, to maintain the balance of power,
crossing the Pennines to Rochdale on Friday. He sure does get about .
Would you REALLY want to exchange the visitors you know and hate for Blair One
and his crew? Better the devil ..............etc
Vile Jelly 18 June 2003 20:41
No, no, no, you misapprehend me. We don't want any other bit of the country
..... we want everyone else to have it ..... and stay there. Well, not
necessarily everyone, just the undesirables. Nice
people can come down here if they want.
Talking of which, as it is now late June the Germans are diminishing and being
replaced by hordes of Sagateers down in St. Ives for a spot of sun, sand and
sanatogen. Not that I object, per se, to that but, speaking as one who works
in a slavery .... I mean, service, industry have you any idea how rude and
objectionable some of them are? Did someone bring in a law I missed saying
that once you reach retirement age the legal obligations and social mores that
apply to everyone else on the planet no longer apply to them? The vast
majority of them can't even justify such behaviour on the grounds of mental
and/or physical incompetence, they are just taking the piss.
Old people, eh? They should be strangled at birth!
Of course, I'll be burnt at the scaffold and beheaded on the stake for
suggesting such a heretical view that the oldies are milking it for their own
benefit but if you consider that a cross-section of every age group up to
retirement contains the good, the bad and the ugly, why do we assume that
everyone past retirement age is magically transformed into sainthood?
Helen Bristol 19 June 2003 18:33
It is now recognised that the onset of Sagateerism is at age 50. That
means that you have just over 10 years before you too can behave in the same
bigotted, rude,and objectionable way as the rest of the sufferers. Hang
on though...............you haven't been sneaking lessons with Lee Strasberg
have you? XX It would seem that 50 is that watershed when
either Life or the onset of Sagateerism begins. Personally I'd opt for
Life but don't let me influence you.
You're preaching to the converted - most of my work is with the 50+ group.
Ashley some a quite nice, some are very grateful (which always gives you
that warm comfortable glow) and some are Victor-Meldrew-like which I find
refreshing. Instead of the 'whatever-you-say-nurse' brigade. (Not
that I am a nurse, its just that anyone in a vaguely official-looking uniform
is a generic "nurse") I'd far rather work with people who are
prepared to take control of their lives (the so-called 'difficult' ones)
instead of me making decisions for them. OK they may be awkward, but at
that age I certainly won't be an easy patient.
PS Do we count as "nice" enough to be acceptable?
PPS BM will be meeting Herr Knett and Fritz again in Germanland
in the next few weeks for further consultations. He'll have to take my
Schwarbian Recipe Book (courtesy of a grateful German Student) to get a proper
translation of some of the imaginative recipes. I've a sneaky feeling
that it is not to be taken too seriously. A friend took it to school to
entertain the staff and said that most of them nearly choked on their sarnies.
Off now to water the greenhouse and then prepare a sumptuous repast for one.
Vile Jelly 20 June 2003 09:09
Personally I think that SAGA is some sort of sinister organisation set up by
oldies who get their enjoyment out of life by making sure that no one else
gets to enjoy their life. You can see them rolling into town in aircraft
carrier-sized coaches (ideal for negotiating St. Ives!) most weekdays (Mondays
seem the worst) with malice aforethought, I'm sure. There must be a SAGA
brochure for day trips to St. Ives with an itinerary something like:-
9.30am Arrive St. Ives
9.30-10.30am Get coach wedged in Tregenna Place, gridlock St. Ives
10.30-12.00am Do Tate
12.00-2.30pm Go to Sloop for soup, crab sarnies or (preferably) anything that
isn't actually on the menu
2.30-3.00pm Do Hepworth
3.30pm Meet back at coach park, change incontinence pants
4.00-5.00pm Get coach wedged in Albert Road, gridlock St. Ives
Such actions surely can not be seen as evidence of a benevolent nature.
Fortunately, just as the oldies have seen off the germans, so the swarms of
skool sprogs next month will kill off the wrinklies. Really, David
Attenborough ought to do a 'Life in St. Ives' documentary about it, for here
you will see all the basest bestiality that humans can muster.
Roll on winter!
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