No Visible Means Of Support - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 08:35

Why aren't weekends longer. Two days just isn't long enough.

I see that t****r Blane has come out of his box. Perhaps everyone will shut up about him now.

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 09:56

Bah! Since we have to work them, we say why do weekends have to exist at all?

It's like bank holidays. All the 9 to 5ers moan that they don't get enough. Well, try getting none at all and then you'll know what servitude is!

PS. Blaine can't have come out of his box because he was never in it in the first place. The man's a bloody illusionist for gawd's sake. Definition of illusion: something that appears to be real but isn't.

Anyway I believe Simeon Stylites (or some such) spent 44 years living on top of a pole so Blaine has got a long way to go before he impresses me!

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 10:09

Yeah, but you get time off during the week when we have to grind our fingers on the keyboard so it works both ways. I'm not fussed about Bank hols. They do mean it's lovely and quiet round our way as all the families go out!

I'm glad you mentioned that cos i can't see what being frozen/stuck on a pole/in a box has got to do with magic. As you say, was he really there, and how much thin food did he have stuck under that blanket?

Never heard of this Simeon bloke, when was this?

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 10:23

Well, we generally work 6 days out of 7, only get 20 days holiday entitlement and no bank holidays, so, I think that adds up to a total of 72 days off work all year. By my calculations the 9 to 5ers get 104 just in weekends before they even have to count holidays and BH's.

Actually, I suspect that the blanket was probably made out of that high protein etc. stuff they give astronauts. He probably just had to suck it for 10 minutes a day to get his recommended daily intake.

I think (it's only a very vague memory) he was one of the very (first few centuries AD) early christian nutters.

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 11:12

you'll have to get a 9 to 5 job then.....

That's a good idea! Do you think it changed colour so he know where to suck it next!

Ah yes, vague recollection from early school years now.

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 11:30

Believe me, I'm trying. Do you know how many 9 to 5 jobs there are down here? And, anyway, both of them are taken!

Dunno, that might have given the game away. Maybe he just had day 1, day 2, etc embroidered on the inside.

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 12:24

Perhaps you could get a job in the new library. Or a nice boring job in a bank.

Should've had a patchwork quilt then.

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 13:34

Are you kidding? What's a bank? What's a library? This is England's third world, you know.

Would have given the game away, methinks. Or, hang on, maybe he used his powers of illusion to make the patchwork quilt look like an ordinary blanket. See, the man's magic!

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 13:39

i know, i know, but i also know that you have such things. i frequent one of them regularly when i visit (bet you can't guess which).

So he is. Still a bit of a t****r though.

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 15:22

Ah, but every free-loading bugger already in those august institutions is busy trying to wangle themselves a posting to St. Ives so no one else gets a look-in.

Quite a lot of one actually. Fortunately, he inflicted himself on London and people that watch 'reality' TV and so they deserved it. So no harm done (except to the nutritious blanket).

Gill Richards

20 October 2003 15:26

hadn't thought of that. the waiting list must be huge!!

It was on the news this morning, the fact that he's out. i couldn't believe the number of people who had gone to see him. He's in hospital now, probably at our expense...

Vile Jelly

20 October 2003 16:20

Correctomundo!

Only if he's in the Priory. Let's face it, he's had nothing better to do than drink himself to oblivion while his stunt dummy did the hard work.

Gill Richards

22 October 2003 08:41

Always makes me smile, calling that place the Priory. Makes you think of monks and peaceful surroundings to recover in. But Monks were the biggest brewers of beer and a right load of greedy b******s.

Clever stunt dummy though, it moved a lot.

Vile Jelly

22 October 2003 16:38

Oh come, come, m'dear. Haven't you seen the Lord Of The Rings films? They can do anything with CGI these days.

PS. Did you know it was the monks from whom we got the phrase 'small beer'?

Gill Richards

23 October 2003 08:09

So they can.

PS Yes. brewed for children.

Vile Jelly

23 October 2003 16:27

I bow to your (mother) superior knowledge!

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