"St? Winwaloe"

27 October 2003 14:14

New Year etc

I recall talking to a rather famous Sir a few years ago who said he loved the Cornish but they were rather too good at not doing very much. Now, this is quite true as to your New Year celebrations. So, to bring St Ives into the 20th cent I have decided I must do what is right a proper and take control. You will be the man "on the ground" (nothing to do with how much Doombar you consume).  Your first task will be to organise the rabbits to dig a large tunnel from the main road in from Penzance. From this tunnel there will be two branches, one leading to the Quay the
other leading to the sea ( the Saintly workshop is working on a suitable non return valve). All visitors will be directed in via this road to the tunnel mouth/entry point. This will be guarded by West Penwith's only policeman, two of the RT and assorted stragglers. Those visitors that come bringing money are off to the Quay those that come bringing bottles are off to the sea. The local water company can clean up afterwards with the help of the SAS. The RT and friends can collect the floating empties and get the deposit back. All those that make it to the Quay can then be suitably fed and watered. If they fall into the harbour etc the Lifeboat can pull them out having first negotiated a suitable award for salvage. The banned street sellers/ pavement artistes can continue to trade for one more night providing that they make a suitable donation to the Saintley Trust. They will also get preferential terms of salvage from the RNLI on the basis they could be in and out a few times. There will be a grand barbecue up at Barnoon with kindling coming from the Tate. Surf School will be on patrol for any stragglers that the Lifeboat missed and can also claim salvage. Depending on age/standing in the town skinny dippers will either be locked away or the pictures will be sold to a suitable tabloid. All procedes to the Second Home Owners Trust for Lower Tax. Now get to work Paul boy and get this organised. Prove to the rest of the world that innovation exists in St Ives - --

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Benatugana - Tereba nessa - Winwaloe   

Vile Jelly

27 October 2003 15:35

Actually, we all thought we'd just stay inside with a hot water bottle, a vat of mulled wine and a good book.

The emmeroids can keep NY Eve as far as I am concerned. I'm just praying I don't get lumbered with doing brekky on NY Day again!

Nice thought, though. I'll pass it on the Department of Incompetence at Penwith DC. Should see some action by the next millennium!

"St? Winwaloe"

28 October 2003 17:51

A problem if you get them confused

Vile Jelly

28 October 2003 21:09

Funnily enough I was hoping to cut corners and keep the mulled wine in the HWB, from which I could take the occasional swig!

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