Putting More Officers On The Beet - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Helen Bristol

29 February 2004 17:07

All is not lost

Late on Friday afternnon I spent a happy hour down at the local plod-station identifying the stolen IT equipment. One computer/screen/keyboard looks much like any other to me, well perhaps not keyboards. DC Pitt, I thought the name sounded familiar, asking questions like " How do you know this is your monitor?" "Well, its got a sticker on it with the hospital name on it" or "Can you identify this computer?" " Yep the serial number matches the one on the warranty which I happen to have brought with me."

Then young DCP said he'd take all the kit out to my car and I told him he'd have to load it in as I can't lift anything. He put it all in the boot and was about to walk off when I pointed out to him that I wouldn't be able to shut the lid, so he had to move the monitor onto the back seat.

I am reminded of all this as I sit here at my desk as there is a sneaky police car parked just inside the factory entrance, presumably the nicking end of a speed trap. No, wait a minute, he's just gone. Perhaps he was just having a crafty smoke.

Vile Jelly

01 March 2004 09:26

Oh bugger! You mean there's more than one of them?

But wait, let's check the minutiae:- Painful imbecility and capacity to out-sloth a dead narcoleptic sloth?

Oh dear, it looks like you've got one too. (The sneaky fag breaks sound strangely familiar too). Although, this one sounds a smidgeon brighter and more helpful than Truly The Pitts. If she'd been handling your case you'd probably already be doing ten years hard labour in Holloway after being fitted up for the crime on the grounds that your fingerprints were all over the stolen kit!

Helen Bristol

01 March 2004 17:57

The other good bit is that plod picked up a bloke on the night of the break in with the IT kit in a Tesco trolley. He claimed he'd found the stuff lying on the pavement and was taking it home to see if it worked, in which case he was going to take it to Plod-quarters, as you would.

Do you think the Pitts are going to take over the world?

Vile Jelly

02 March 2004 08:46

Was it one of those talking ones like in the ads? Imagine the embarrassment of the poor perp as Wobbly Wheels spills his guts under interrogation. I could just imagine the tempestuous courtroom scene during cross-examination ..... although no doubt Mr. Perp has been given a stern disapproving look, £100 worth of M&S vouchers and a safari holiday by way of punishment for his sins.

I think that the Pitts probably are up to some evil or other but, if yours is anything like ours, I think 'taking over' would be far too much of an active deed for them. Accumulating the world through apathy and inertia would be more likely.

PS. Have you taken the beyblade test yet? Gill (Richards) has and got a very credible result.

Helen Bristol

02 March 2004 18:47

Tried it at t'weekend but for some reason the thing crashed - or I hit the wrong button. I'll have another go, probably tomorrow evening while I sit and wait for BM to return from his adventures up north, beats weaving any day.

Vile Jelly

03 March 2004 08:39

So, that's what he does. Beets-weaving, eh? I must admit that I have never heard of vegetable-textile production (although I may have eaten some in skool dinners). How does it work? What sort of beets are they; like sugar beets or beetroots?

PS. Stop trying to fiddle the answers and take the result as it comes! Do you want Gill to usurp your position as SSI's top female operative?

Helen Bristol

03 March 2004 18:36

I thought you're supposed to be the high IQ round here. Substitute "plant" for "vegetable" and there you have it - cotton, flax, modal, sprout stalks

PS I AM NOT trying to fiddle the answers. I'm big enough to take whatever they throw at me.I said I'd have another go tonight and I will. And you can stop that "Divide and Rule" strategy right now. It won't work. Never met a bloke yet who it was worth fighting another female for...

Vile Jelly

03 March 2004 19:22

You forgot to mention emmets!

PS. Tsk, tsk, as disapproving elephants would say, I do not indulge in divide and conquer tactics. If I decide to launch an offensive (as opposed to just being it) it's all conquer and no divide (until we get to the victory celebrations).

Then again ...... I could have brain-washed myself just so that the enemy (whoever they are) would not be able to trip me up on a lie-detector test ..... as Lord Tonygeorge Blairbushhuttonbutler might say.

PPS. That's why the RT act as international peace-keepers. They don't trust humans, M or F. Hell, they haven't even found a planet that is worth fighting the Human Beans for.

Helen Bristol

03 March 2004 18:56

Just to show that I'm not chicken:

Rei (wait for it...)

quiet and a bit shy - don't recognise this

Loyal to the core and friendship means the world to you - yep

I didn't destroy the White Tigers - are they an Ice Hockey team?

And - now this is the bit that REALLY concerns me - girls love you, but your heart is taken. Duh?

Now you can do something for me... what the hell is beyblades? You see I'm at work during the day so I miss all the really good programmes. And before you tell me to record it and watch it later, p-lease, I get enough crap at work...

Vile Jelly

03 March 2004 19:32

Fret ye not, all (or a fair bit) will be revealed at the next promulgate.

Beyblade is like life, I suspect. It's great if you just put your brain on hold and go with the mood of the moment ..... Try to analyse and understand it and you will be truly freaked out!

Intriguing result. One that may very well put the vulture amongst the pigeons. It's a pity that Mad Maeve has gone AWOL in mid-Yukon but even so .....

If nothing else you can console yourself with the thought that when the going gets tough, so far St. Windy has gone AWOL.

Look out for the league tables next Friday!

PS. Cartoon Network 8pm weekdays. Cramp Twins and Robot Jones (which follow) are funnier but they're onto repeats now so it is a tad 'vieux chapeau a moi'. Nevertheless, for a newbie .....

Helen Bristol

03 March 2004 22:46

And so to bed...

Vile Jelly

04 March 2004 08:21

Nonsense, woman, if you sprint you could still make it to the pub for last orders.

Helen Bristol

04 March 2004 17:50

Most of the pubs hereabouts are called "Arkwright's" anyway, so no need to sprint.

PS so is that on Sky?

Vile Jelly

05 March 2004 08:55

In that case, there is absolutely no justification for such an early bed-time ..... unless you are just using it as an excuse to cuddle up to a vat of claret while BM is out with the Adnams Family!

PS. Well, I get it via Sky but I don't know whether it is obtainable over (or under) the counter from other digital providers. Surely you must have satellite TV or you'd be incarcerated with that pile of fetid dingo's poo that passes for terrestrial TV these days.

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