Administering A Good Shoeing ... - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Helen Bristol

30 April 2004 18:21

Running the country

Good for Gill, joining the ranks of the well manipulated. Got another massage tomorrow, mmmmmmmmmmmm

Its OK, I'm on my way - well will be on Tuesday - to help run the country from the seat of government. If its free beer BM will be there as well. See you in the Sloop today week.

Vile Jelly

30 April 2004 18:43

I thought Toady Blah was running the government by the seat of his pants!

I'll be the one in the back of the Slupe standing on a box with a hood over my head and electrodes attached to various parts.

Helen Bristol

01 May 2004 11:40

Can always rely on you to be an exhibitionist.

Vile Jelly

01 May 2004 13:00

Well, it's marginally better than being piddled on!

Helen Bristol

01 May 2004 16:46

Hopefully not that AND the electrodes! Could be a shocking experience.

Vile Jelly

02 May 2004 08:56

I'm sure that under such circumstances I could rely on Tony Bleaaagh to send in the British army to rescue me from such terrorist acts!

Helen Bristol

02 May 2004 11:53

They'd only perpetrate their own atrocities, allegedly

Vile Jelly

02 May 2004 13:31

Thank god for that then. For some demented reason I thought we had unleashed a load of psychotic thugs on the world in the name of peace, prosperity and petrol.

Still, enough of such cheerful thoughts the RT want to know what goodies you're bringing them before they agree to make a personal appearance at your latest St. Ives launch!

Helen Bristol

02 May 2004 13:59

Apart from one's self, BM and Lucy what could they want? It's a bit like crimbo - you send santa a list and get completely different things.

Vile Jelly

02 May 2004 17:01

So, no CM then? The RT had a cauldron of boiling oil and a basket of vipers ready .....

Oh well, waste not want not. Just remember to keep an eye on the parapets while you're strolling around Emmetsville.

Helen Bristol

02 May 2004 17:42

CM? No, he's a home-body... and if we're away he takes up residence in someone elses home.

No can do. How can I watch where I'm walking (skaterboys et al) and look upwards. I know my eyes go wonky sometimes, but not that wayward.

PS I was thinking maybe of some woolly sox for the Shauns, a set of scales for Soupie and Soupette (we gals are always watching our weight), something slinky for Orm, hmmm wadderyerthink? Yeh, Ok I'll keep thinking.

PPS Always intune with things BM suggested some Yarg - Newcastle and coals springs to mind.

Vile Jelly

03 May 2004 09:26

You're probably best off not seeing where you are going. Besides, with your sumo techniques you should have no difficulty shoving aside any obstacles. Just remember to shake the salt first!

Yarg? I'd have thought you just be bringing me the stinging nettles! Is BM bringing his tanker down to stock up at the Sharp's Refinery Terminal. I think the USS Tony Blair has finally broken up so you shouldn't have any more traffic hold-ups getting round Sea's Start. Just remember beer is not nice when served on the rocks!

Helen Bristol

03 May 2004 11:00

We have a very good nettle crop this year, but as we are not travelling directly to SI they would have wilted by the time we get there. Talking of wilting nettle soup has a proven track record for gentlemen with a certain embarrassing problem I'm sure Soupie knows all about it but has probably kept it from the RT in case they got over-excited or< worse still, over indulged.

Now that he's discovered Mr. Chimbley I think we won't be making a detour for liquid supplies. Oh good, that means I can pack even more pairs of shoes!

Vile Jelly

03 May 2004 13:43

Oh, hopefully they are still too young to be interested in that sort of thing. However, I shall keep Soupie's remedy in mind should I need it.

Who do you think you are, Imelda Marcos?

Helen Bristol

03 May 2004 14:40

Not at all. I stand accused (which is the only similarity) of having one suitcase full of shoes. Can't think where he got that idea from.

Vile Jelly

03 May 2004 16:51

Who he? Mr. Marcos, BM, CM or VJ?

Is Lucy really coming? Polly is quite interested, natch, but fears rejection as he is only a lobsterlet. The Shauns are starting to worry me ..... well, OK, they are worrying me more than usual. They've been spending hours in the bathroom buffing themselves up and arguing as to which one of them is the one Lucy fancies. They've even being polishing their hoofs with bleach (I tried to explain to them that they are naturally black). What is the technical term for a bleached sheep? A Sheash or a Bleep?

PS. How can you fill a suitcase with shoes? I don't understand you female blokes. As far as I can work out you only ever need four pairs of shoes; posh ones for work/formal occasions, smart but casual ones for sociable events, trainers for sport/work related activities and the ultimate pair (which are the only ones you should ever invest serious money in) which are walking boots that will allow you to tell the whole of humanity (and his dog) to bugger off and let you walk twice round the planet with shoe leather and spirit to spare.

A small sports bag should suffice to carry that!

Helen Bristol

03 May 2004 17:24

She seems to think she is. She's had her bag packed for weeks. Is it me? I thought that Polly was/is a lobsterlette. I thought we'd sorted out the which Shaun is which dispute.

PS Easy-peasy, I simply have to have different colours to go with various ensembles. I get bored wearing black shoes all the time. Speaking of boots - mine failed me 4.30 on Saturday morning. It was raining so hard that the water ran off my ***-the-rest-of-the-world-I'm-nice-and-dry waterproofs and pooled on the toe joint creases of my Merrells. This fantastic design which has a completely attached tongue - made of fabric, so I squelched round for the next 5 hours. Gortex wouldn't've done that. So I'm now looking at replacing them. The Merrells will be relegated to gardening duty.

You seen the size sports bag a hockey goalie carries? THAT should about be big enough for my stuff, and a few clothes.

Oh well, back to the packing............

Vile Jelly

04 May 2004 09:12

Perish the thought! Polly is a bloke. I must admit that Polliy is a tad unusual as boys' names go but you have to see Muppet Treasure Island to get the joke. Also, there is considerable doubt in the Shauns' minds, mainly because they only have one mind between the two of them (some sort of hive mentality, I think).

You wimmin and your kerrrrazy fashions. I thank god that as a hideous blob everything looks bad on me and so I am not compelled to waste time, thought or money on such fripperies. I couldn't even begin to guess what a Merrill is (other than he led a famous chindit raid behind enemy lines in Burma during WW2. Probably not the same person/thing, I guess).

PS. Wouldn't it take less time to pack St. Ives, etc. and bring it to East Angular? What's going to stop the country flipping over if you move the counterweight of your wardrobe contents to the far west?

Helen Bristol

04 May 2004 09:29

I'll trust your judgement. If you say he's a bloke, he's a bloke.

Not unless the yanks were in Burma, it's a bit hazy - so long ago.

PS I'm reviving the Great Perforation - I thought the extra weight might help

Byeeee

Vile Jelly

04 May 2004 13:52

Believe me, we bleurks know these things. Now the only problem seems to be that he has developed an adolescent crush-tacean on Lucy!

They were. Who do you think built the Burma Road? (Actually it was zillions of coolies but the yanks provided the tools and technology).

PS. But we've already made a huge perforation along the Tamar. If it wasn't for that Brunel bloke and his irritating tendency towards civil engineering projects that lasted we would have long since detached ourselves and paddled out into the Atlantic. So, what will happen if both perforations go rip at the same time?

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