Frying The Flag! - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Gill Richards

21 June 2004 09:49

There see, the theory proved and squashed at the same time. Do your own thing and ignore the others.

Here, would you mind keeping the clouds to yourself please? I look southwest from my office and the sky is black!

Did you have a good weekend or were you busy working?

Railtrack?

Ps not read it yet, and i even took it home!

Vile Jelly

21 June 2004 15:39

Nothing better than a freshly squashed proof. I am. What others?

That's not clouds. It's a swarm of emmets heading back up the A30 and M5 after a hard weekend's St. Ives trashing.

Weekend off. Didn't do much (anything really) due to state of ankle. Limped back to work today. It almost felt like having a normal job, going back on a Monday!

Mornington Crescent! (Or is the underground nothing to do with snailtrack?).

PS. Just make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. The secrets of such a devastating weapon should not be revealed to the untrustworthy or unscrupulous.

Gill Richards

22 June 2004 08:14

The other that are always around, watching, waiting........

Are you sure it wasn't fallout from dustbin day? Surely most of the emmets would have left on sunday, especially as they had to get back in front of their tvs last night. Have you seen the email about flags and intellect? i'll copy it to you if not.

You poor thing, fancy having a normal job! The trouble with normal is that it gets to be a part of your life that sometimes is quite frightening. My bosses boss regularly comes in on a Monday and asks how it came round so quickly again. How's the foot now? I have Achilles problems, i had to stop running because of it, shame ;-)

Damn, you won. (i have no idea, but they may be on strike this morning with all the others).

Ps ok. it's in the bedroom and the cats are locked out of there during the day......

Vile Jelly

22 June 2004 09:06

... plotting, sharpening knives, blunting bludgeons ...

Might have been but I think a lot of the weekend jet-set pull Monday sickies/dental appointments/important client meetings/etc. so they can scoot back on Monday morning when the traffic is a bit calmer. No, all I've had is another snotty e-mail from Winwaloe telling me to stop moaning about things in Cornwall. (Hey, I can't help it what's in the news as Janet Bentley's e-mail this week will reveal). How dare I have opinions about the place where I live, eh?

The foot's getting better though it's still not 100%. Fine unless I twang it doing something awkward/strenuous. Did you sit down with your bosses and explain the concept of days consisting of fixed periods of 24 hours each?

PS. But they might be cat burglars!

Gill Richards

22 June 2004 09:19

...refining their evil thoughts...

How dare you, criticising that lovely idyllic place where the sun shines and bees buzz all year, apart from in the depths of winter when it snows and covers everything in a fairytale blanket of white..... some people eh?

yer tis...

In order to assist other motorists in identifying potentially

> dangerous drivers, it's now compulsory for anyone with a lower than

> average intellect to display a warning flag, comprising of a red cross

> on a white background, attached to the top of at least one door of

> their vehicle. For drivers of exceptionally low intellect, additional

> flags are required.

But they don't seem to be sometimes do they? some days go really quickly and some go slowly, birthdays seem to come round at an alarming speed and anti wrinkle cream must be bought with increased regularity. Still at least we have sore feet and throats to keep us moaning!!

PS i was thinking more along the lines of untrustworthy and unscrupulous!! They haven't yet discovered how to open doors with handles three foot up and manage to close them again afterwards without disturbing anything - not that i know of anyway.

Vile Jelly

22 June 2004 16:02

In that case I'll have a few litres of 5 star evil thoughts (I can never refine mine past low-grade diesel).

What can you expect from people who consort with mermaids?

Exactement. Also, (though the chance has now passed by obviously) I was pointing out for the last couple of days that in event of the worst those red & white flags could be cut into small squares and rearranged into red & white checks to make Croatian flags. A no-lose scenario!

Time, like your aunt, is relative as Albert Onestone pointed out. However, you would have to be standing next to some massive gravitational force like a black hole to experience it. The question is, what represents the black hole? The working week or the weekend? One of them is clearly having a distorting effect on the passage of time.

PS. I looked up untrustworthy and unscrupulous in the dictionary. It said 'see entry under Cat'.

Gill Richards

23 June 2004 08:56

i have a feeling that your mind is mad up of crude oil....

a tendency to believe in myths.

what's the Portuguese flag like?

I only have one aunt and I don't like her, so I'd rather not talk about relative anything. Mind you both black holes have a case. If the weekend is a black hole then it's nice; you can forget about time and do your own thing, but, if the week is a black hole then it's not nice at all and you have to loose yourself, willing the weekend to arrive and life will begin again.

ps exactement.

pps make sure the weather improves for the 9th please

Vile Jelly

23 June 2004 09:31

Well, it's certainly mad, certainly crude and, if I ever get the chance, I hope to get it well-oiled!

Well, he definitely seems a bit myffed at the moment.

Red and green with some cresty-coat of arms thingy, I think.

Aha, more science! (See SSI IS educational and informative). Clearly your relative difficulty is caused by the fundamental antagonism between matter and auntie-matter!

It has finally stopped raining but the wind is howling like a 5 year old having an attack of Tourette's. Hopefully, it will have died down and we'll have reassembled the county by the time you arrive.

Gill Richards

24 June 2004 15:15

what do you mean 'if you ever get the chance'? I thought it happened quite regularly?

He does exist though.

Crusty coat-of-arms? We won't be able to make it out of the red cross though, so we'd better hope we win.

Educational, informative and highly entertaining, what more could a hedgehog want? There is antagonism between us, but i now realise my auntie doesn't matter.

Talking of which. There is an excellent comedy on BBC1 on tuesdays at 7pm called "Little Angels" on which a child psychologist tells a set of desperate parents how to bring their child(ren) up without the usual screams and disgusting behaviour. Amazingly it all boils down to talking to them, praising their achievements and getting them to bed properly; who'd have thought!

Vile Jelly

24 June 2004 16:48

Not as often as I'd like!

Unless the Reporting Team have caught up with him .....

Well, I'm fairly amphibious about the whole thing now, since the krauts, wops and dagos have crashed out ahead of us.

Do not go into the dark and frightening subject of what more hedgehogs can ask of you. Why not send her a parcel of germs and see if they attack her auntie-body?

More wishy-washy, liberal pap. What's wrong with hitting them with a big stick. That's how I was raised and it made a ..... er ..... sort of jelly-thing, I suppose, out of me. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is on the end of the big stick and should be used to educate children appropriately. And, as the delightful children would have told you, the correct expression is 'who'd have thunk'!

Gill Richards

25 June 2004 13:28

let's hope so, didn't think much of his 'news report' by the way.

woops

that's a good idea, mind you they may be repulsed.

Absolutely. We became excellent sprinters when my Mum brandished the wooden spoon, you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of that! Are you sure? I would have thunk that "uh?" would be more appropriate.

Vile Jelly

25 June 2004 14:24

Tsk, tsk and he probably laboured for nanoseconds over it.

I'm sorry, I was being 'tired and emotional'. What I meant to say was that England's performance has been, on the face of it, slightly superior to that of our rival, but much esteemed, eurofootie competitors. On the udder hand, thank god for the result last night now I can drink a glass of vintage port (gotta Calem 1980, praise the lord) and slag of David Beckham with complete justification!

I think the word you were looking for is 'repulsive' and there's no 'may be' about it.

Nothing wrong with corporal punishment. If there'd been a death penalty for corporalness we would have been spared World War 2!

Gill Richards

25 June 2004 14:33

Were you tired and emotional last night after we lost? Or did you toast the host nation and sit back with the sure knowledge that the country will go back to sort of normality?

No no. The parcel of germs may be repulsed by the auntie-body. Although you may be right about there being no 'may be' about it.

Doubt it

Vile Jelly

25 June 2004 15:54

Nope. I was just tired. Some of us work anti-social hours. Although, I must admit given the average IQ (or I-something as they spell it) of your average engerlund 'supporter' that may have not been a bad thing.

In that case, I leave the bodies to your auntie. At least she won't want mine as it is far too Vile!

Mebbe not. But if a certain NCO had suffered a terminal WW1 disciplinary experience it might have made it harder for everyone else to start WW2.

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