Hiccy Burpday To Us!

The mysterious benefactors (see Chocs Away item in Old Gnus 8 March 2002) have struck again! This time they have sent the Reporting Team posh choccies and champagne.

Still, no identifying marks to indicate who is sending the stuff but obviously they haven't met Vile Jelly ... or they wouldn't be sending pressies!

Are The Fish Biting?

An angler was fished out of the sea (taken to Newlyn and sold at 75p a pound) by two passing fishermen after being washed off rocks on the Island on Tuesday night.

A spokesmen for the local fishing industry said that they hoped that the angler would not count against their EU quota. A spokesman for the local fish said, 'So near and yet so far. Let's hope we nail the bugger next time"!

Another One Bites The Dust

The coastpath to Zennor appears to have claimed another victim with the discovery of a stiff on the Treveal Cliff about three miles out of St. Ives. As of going to press the bod has yet to be identified other than it appears to be white, male and mid-30ish.

If you have been walking the coastpath to Zennor recently please check that all your walking companions are accounted for and if you do find any missing please notify the authorities.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

In yet another unsurprising twist in the ludicrous saga of the Hayle Harbour Re-Development the masterplan looks like it may be affected by a teensy-weensy problemette ... the developers have now pulled out.

Anyone who has bothered following this strand in the Spooky St. Ives news bulletins will realise that this means that the various parties involved have now spent months and months achieving the sum total of bugger all.

Now, no doubt based on their sterling performance to date, the people responsible for this waste of everyone's time and money will probably be invited to come up with another masterplan involving even greater expenditure of resources!

Better The Devil You Know?

Good news for the fottball-ly-challenged. Someone is going to put the World Cup footie on a big screen on Sunday.

The bad news is that the organisers are a bunch of god-botherers!. The Church of the Vine is staging the event in the Penbeagle ghetto this Sunday. The question is, will people be so desperate to see the footie that they will be able to sit through 90 minutes of religious claptrap and no alcohol?

Entry is free, exit £5!

Mercury Rising!

Just to prove that Freddie may be gone but he certainly isn't forgotten, Queen fans are staging a festival this weekend to celebrate the band's anniversary. Although it seems unlikely that surviving members, Messrs. May, Taylor and Deacon, will be attending, nevertheless a veritable Bohemian Rhapsody of events will be taking place as can be seen in the blurb below:-

The good news is that Vile Jelly will be incarcerated in the slave pits for the duration of these events so everyone else should be able to enjoy them without fear of molestation!

Stop Press

Two late items of news that haven't even had time to make the local papers:-

The Vealls delivery man turned up yesterday lunchtime looking somewhat miserable announcing that someone had jemmied open his van and blagged £200 while he was delivering to the Bay View. Now, as the only people who hang around on that part of the Wharf at lunchtime are tourists ...

Harding informs me that legendary local painteress, Ponckle, has had a bad stroke and is in Derriford (Plymouth) Hospital (Cornwall's too poor and unimportant to be given a life-saving hospital) in a seriously ungood condition.

The Reporting Team wish her all the best (even though she only paints cats and not hedgehogs and sheep!). 

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