Show of Hands reviewed by Spooky St. Ives, Cornwall

Country Life	Longdog Now, the battery on the PeaPod was getting low when they played this and we were in quite a noisy pub at the time but as far as we can tell this is a song about poached eggs. Well, whatever floats your boat. The only query we’ve got is with the title. If you are going to write a song in praise of the English Breakfast, surely you should call it Sausagedog?

As You Were Beer, Knightley, Sykes. It’s uncanny!	Cousin Jack Such is the perilous socio-economic position of the indigenous Cornish that any children they have above the maximum subsistence number of 0.35 have to be called Jack and are designated for culling in times of hardship (i.e. Monday to Sunday on any given week of any given year). Once they reach adulthood the Jacks are all turfed out of their homes and forced to go and seek their fortunes in England and other dodgy foreign countries. So, powerful is the effect of this long-standing tradition that it affects almost all who dwell permanently in the county. Vile Jelly started living in St Ives in 2000 and less than two years later some of his relatives emigrated to Australia taking with them his cousin, Jack. QED.

Witness	The Train Man grovels abjectly on the platform, begging woman not to leave. She refuses to be swayed and insists on going. A great song and dance ensues. Train is cancelled due to leaves on the line and both have to leave on the replacement bus service crimson in mutual embarrassment and mortification!

Roots	The Bristol Slaver No, mammary fetishists, this is not what you’re thinking of! A classic tale of dark deeds done in our dark past (possibly after dark). Conscienceless bar stewards exploit other human beings for their own personal gain and glory, leaving a trail of broken of broken lives and human suffering in their wake. Greed, apparently, is not good. A fine tale but one that has little relevance to modern times, methinks ….. “For profit and promotion, oh no, no, I am a reckless banker. Getting bonuses for failure, oh no, no, No man on earth will thank ya.”

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