Now that the soup fettling season, like the late king's life, is drawing peacefully to a close, I'm finding I have a bit of time on my hands, so I thought I could either go and watch the paint dry on the back of the toilet door or email SSI........  Too late, the paint's already dry.

 

By 'eck, though but (sorry, been to Yorkshire last week) we had some reet gradely soup this year, a positive tsunami of tsoup in fact, a maelstrom of mulligatawny, a plenitude of pottage, a veritable benison of broth.  And all made, you'll be pleased to note, with the Wusthof which is now so stratospherically sharp that vegetables are sliced to micron thickness and much in demand by restorers of stained glass windows for their delicacy and translucence.  Plus, if you cut your fingers off, you won't notice for three days.

 

OH MY GOD THE KEYBOARD'S GONE ALL RED!

 

Who is this "Winwaloe" and why is he even more crap at typing than I am?  And why does he get his own set of ""?  So I can be "Andrew Macdonald"  OK?

 

I would have thought that if you lot needed a new multi storey car park, you've got the ideal site for it in the old Gas Works.  You know it makes sense.

 

Doom Bar, Doom Bar, Doom Bar, Doom........................................

Fin Soup? Where did you get the shark from? I didn't think they were indigenous to the fens. I'll never go punting with confidence again!

 

I have no idea who the mysterious "Winwaloe" is. He gets the "" treatment because I can't help feeling that Winwaloe is his real name (Mr. W. Inwaloe? or maybe a dyslexic dutchman, Wim Waloe?). Of course, you might also be entitled to ""'s but do you really want SSI readers to know that Andrew Macdonald is merely a nom de guerre ..... eh, Milord Lucan? I am not sure if the barely legendary Mr. Wimoweh has spelling difficulties or is writing Cornese. Either way the effect is much the same!

 

Nice idea for the multi-storey car park but if we put it in the ol' gasworks things could take a turn for the worse if they then move the Tat St. Ives to somewhere people can find it and the unspeakable abominations contained therein.

 

And keep your mitts off MY Doom Bar. If the good lord wanted you to partake of it regularly he wouldn't have banished to the land East of Anglia.

 

Now, if you don't mind I've got more important matters to attend to. Principally an e-mail from your cat!

Look, do try and pay attention.  If it was shark soup it would be soup de fin, not fin de soup.  Didn't you learn anything at school? (Sorry, stupid question.)

 

And be very careful when confidently punting, it's more than just a cunning stunt.

 

SSI readers can rest assured that Andrew Macdonald is my real name, and not one that I assume in railway stations, but that's another story - probably.

 

Anyway, I'll let you get back to the email from the cat, it's probably far more interesting.

Shan't, and isn't it about time you gave them back?

 

I have consulted my well thumbed copy of Gerlyver Ber, and it would seem that Mr "Winwaloe", if indeed he is a Mr, is not writing in Cornese, but rather an obscure version of complete undergarments.  More power to his elbow, or possibly moy gallos dhe y elyn. 

English, Cornish, Gibberish? It all ends in 'ish' so it must be the same thing.

 

Anyway he has just bunged us an e-mail so I'll ask him.

Haven't had one yet.

 

Unless he is masquerading as the wife of a Nigerian multi-millionaire who wants to me 4 million dollars!

 

PS. Congratulations on making it across the polar cap with the wine still intact. Your middle name isn't Shackleton is it?