29 March 2004 10:37
where am i?
Good God, what a week that was!!
The curse of taking a weeks leave when you're busy at work. I was so busy last
week catching up that i didn't have time to mail you, then a rehearsal friday
evening, one saturday afternoon, a concert saturday night, an early morning on
sunday after the clocks went forward and i am now fit for nothing. My head is
buzzing cos i'm so tired. Why don't they supply pillows in this place?
Haven't read last weeks mailings, but read the last two - seems things have been
going along merrily in their usual way, apart from your slanging match with
Winwaloe - that was a good read.
How're things in good old St Ives? Parents are down there for a couple of days
so keep the weather good will you?
29 March 2004 11:35
Rehearsal? Concert? What talent have you been hiding under your bushel? Are
you the first violinist of the LSO? Are you a member of The Darkness?
Yes, it was a ding-dong battle with Winwaloe but I think I got the verdict on
points at the end of the bout. Unfortunately, no sooner do I seem to have got
him pinned down than I have been assailed by another blatherer!
PS. Are your crumblies down here yet? Weather currently cracking the flagstones
(out of the wind, leastways) with nary a cloud (or crowd) in sight but we are
threatened with another outbreak of weather later and Easter is almost upon us.
29 March 2004 11:47
Not that good and oh god no. I play the cello in the Bristol Concert
Orchestra. An amateur orch but we are rather good...!!
Haven't noticed that yet, i'll read the mails at lunch time.
Ps. On their way down today. Ooh i wish i was there. I could really do with some
fresh air to clear out the dead brain cells and some beer to create a few more.
Order some good weather for Easter will you? My brother and his family are going
down for the week and youngest nephew seems to want to swim in the sea!!!?!
29 March 2004 13:38
Weird! I am personally acquainted with absolutely no musicians other than
Debbie down here, who is also a gifted amateur in the bow-and-instrument
department. I just must naturally be drawn to people who are on the fiddle!
PS. Why aren't you here? Just about every other member of your family seems to
be. What did you do to so offend them that they don't take you on holiday with
them any more?
PPS. I'm sure junior nephew will have a cetacean of a time (provided he has a
wetsuit). As with all things that please boys, the secret is to use the
29 March 2004 14:43
I have just spent the best part of my lunch break reading only two mails on SSI.
They were both so long i though i'd get told off if i didn't get on with some
work!! Hence i haven't read the strange new ramblings. Still it gives me
something to look forward to tomorrow.
PS. Paul actually said i should go down there with the crinklies cos i was so
tired, but as my lack of energy was created by taking a week off in the first
place i didn't think it would be such a good idea, also i don't think the boss
would wear it.
I would go away with the wrinklies, but i'd miss my family (Paul and the cats),
but i'm not sure about a noisy teenager and a 10 year old who doesn't have a
wetsuit but still wants to swim; the reason i don't have kids is to avoid any
problems of that kind. As you'll see in July we like our peace and quiet (that
doesn't explain why we'll be there in July of course).
29 March 2004 15:05
Yes, it was a long and torrid week in the SSI mail room. I was nearly
reduced to even more of a gibbering wreck than usual by the end of Friday but I
was able to relax the next day by driving to Executor Airport and back! Still,
as you (and Scarlett O'Harlot) point out, tomorrow is another day. Or, as you
and Scarlett also have in common, fiddle-dee-dee!
PS. How come Mr. R and the cats wouldn't have got to go with you? You seem to
have reached the pinnacle of modern working life, you know/are related
to/married to loads of people but you never get to see more than one of them at
PPS. Perhaps you'd best have an Auntly word with junior neph? If he plunges off
Porthmeor at Easter he is soon going to learn the difficulties arsing from not
properly ensuring a safe interface between cold sea and rubbery bits!
29 March 2004 15:14
it serpently is. so is wednesday, although i have to go to Swansea on
wednesday. And i thought i wouldn't get abroad this year!
Ps Mr R doesn't get as much leave as i do (a sore point in our house,
although he only gets a few days less, it's the every other friday off that he
really dislikes : i work a nine day fortnight.) And i can't take the cats with
me, so if we were to go away they have to be looked after which a kindly
neighbour is happy to do, but Paul is a bit of a home boy. So there are a load
of rubbish reasons!!!
Perhaps i like to keep all my friends apart.....
PPs I'd better have an Auntly word with him he's going to have difficulties
30 March 2004 09:10
Couldn't you do an IDS and employ him as your personal secretary and do a
Tony Blah and invite a foreign country to put you and your family up at their
expense. Then you'd be able to spend your evenings in luxury bars doing a
Hm, I think the only way I could keep my friends apart would be if I split the
person in question into quarters!
PS. Be careful not to excite the dear boy too much. A tight wetsuit is not
the place to start getting overstimulated!
30 March 2004 10:52
Wouldn't want to do that, i want all my earnings for myself. I like the
second idea though - Tuscany's a nice place.
Poor chap is allowed to be ill you know.
I'm sure you have more than one friend.
PS I think (hope) he's still a little young for that.
PPS thanks for the weather, it's stonking!!
30 March 2004 14:07
Perhaps you could hire your cats as your secretaries then. You could claim
the allowances and siphon off the surplus once you've stuffed them with fish.
PS. Never too young these days. I was talking to the fag machine man who was in
the Slupe yesterday. A propos of the Ireland situation I said why not just put
all the fag and condom vending machines in the schools so the sprogs get what
they want and we can enjoy a bit of P & Q in t'pub!
PPS. No charge. But don't get into your bikini just yet. Still sunny down here
but the wind is winding a lot more as the day wears on and the forecast is for
it (the good weather not the wind!) to break tomorrow.
30 March 2004 15:47
Siphon the surplus off the cats? Sounds disgusting.
plenty of acquaintances?
PS A colleague of mine was just saying how someone's child came home saying that
they were going to make his school into a contraceptive! Now that would be
PPS good god no. it never gets warm enough for that and i'd have to go and buy
one first. (tee hee hee)
30 March 2004 16:26
Perhaps if you strained it through several layers of muslin that would make
it more palatable.
At present everyone is denying all knowledge of me. I am threatened on all sides
and expect the worst. Reporting Team currently on the rooftop hoping to catch
the last helicopter out of Saigon!
PS. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings ..... Reminds me of the old
A boy and a girl are sitting in class in a primary (insert school/location of
your choice), when the boy starts giggling.
Girl: "What's so funny".
Boy: "I've just found a condom behind the radiator!".
Girl: "What's a radiator?".
01 April 2004 08:50
I don't think so, i know what they eat and i wouldn't want to eat it first
time let alone post cat.
Do they know that you support them? They won't survive long without Jelly care.
I read the rest of the mails; you have another name to add to your scalping
01 April 2004 09:36
I said siphon OFF, not OUT of the cats. After a nasty nocturnal intrusion a
while back (of course I had to be on cat-minding duty, didn't I!) I discovered
exactly what comes out of cats. Especially startled and scared ones!
I think they are planning to flee to East Angular and hide in Big Mac's cellar
of many ales.
Going back to the cat analogy, the fur has definitely been flying in the last
couple of weeks. Hopefully, a ceasefire will be negotiated soon so that the Red
Cross can removed the dead and injured from No Man's Land. You can't win, can
you? (Well, I certainly can't). Say nothing of consequence and everyone
complains that the site is dull. Voice an opinion and the whole world and his
dog come down on you like a ton of bricks! It doesn't help that e-mails are a
particularly useless medium for carrying on an adversarial debate.
01 April 2004 10:47
Ah, so after they've eaten their fill of fish, i get the rest. That makes
much nicer thinking. I know what comes out of cats, regularly.
Personally i think you should be able to say what you like. It's your site and
you're not regulated by anyone. As you correctly say, you are there and know
what's going on, you have the local paper and listen to local witterings. The
people who argue with you visit on holiday and have an impression which they
presume to be correct. I used to have a two week holiday there every year and
know the place fairly well, but i wouldn't presume to know what is going on at
the moment. My parents have the Times and Echo delivered to Bristol to keep up
to date, do the people who argue with you do the same? Your views may not be
100% correct, but i think they have more substance than theirs. Having my
arbitrating hat on, everyone is entitled to their opinion and that's what leads
to debate/argument, but to announce that you are wrong and tell you why you run
the site when they don't even know it (new moaner not Winwaloe) is bang out of
01 April 2004 14:32
Ta for the vote of competence.
I don't mind people having dissenting views and am happy to argue the toss with
them but it really gets on my pecs when people can't be bothered to back up
their opinions with either a few facts 'n' figures or a coherently and cogently
argued explanation as to why they think they're right and I'm wrong. I can't
even be arsed watching political debates/interviews these days because the
politicos are just allowed to ignore any questions they don't feel like
answering and change the discussion to a subject of their own choice.
As it happens, it may be that I am about to be shot down in flames over WPC
Pitts and the skateboarders as it appears some light may be emerging at the end
of the tunnel. That's alright. I'm tuff and I'll take it like a Vile. Even if
that is the case I still hold true to one of my top 10 Jellyisms - if you don't
bother explaining yourself, you have no right to complain that have been
misunderstood. I have commented on things as they appeared at the time. I'm not
Oh well, I'm sure that if god wanted us to enjoy life he would have made us
immortal and not bothered inventing the afterlife!
01 April 2004 15:05
Absolutely. In fact i think it's part of being a politician, being able to
ignore the question asked.
Sometimes it's nice to be proved wrong. If something is actually happening about
PC Pitts and her boys then great, get them out of the way and somewhere they can
skate in peace and everyone will be happy.
There is no God, this life is what you make of it, there is no afterlife, just
fire or worms.
01 April 2004 18:52
What like "you do know there aren't really any WMDs there, don't
Well, at the minute I've only got a brief debriefing from my spies at the
Guildhall meeting. Toni Carver of the T&E was there, though, so hopefully
we'll get an official communiqué. Failing that I'll just have to promulgate
with what my spies got me.
How do you know the fire and the worms aren't the afterlife? It could be god's
revenge on the religious nutters!
02 April 2004 09:34
Yes and "why are you letting all these people in without following
proper immigration policies?"
Could be; the worms would last longer, the 'warm at last' feeling wouldn't last
Hurrah, friday and the sun's out.
02 April 2004 09:56
Or "you do remember that transfer of power pact we made, don't
Perhaps it's all part of the bicycle of life. Humans die, get reincarnated as
corpses and eaten by the worms. Then the worms die, get reincarnated as
spaghetti and eaten by the humans!
Gone wild, wet and windy here again (as forecast). You did securely tie your
parents down, didn't you. Or have they fled the burg already?
Burpday (not mine) celebration down the Seafood Transport Cafe last night. Very
emmety (and the skools disintegrate today). Town in a state of chaos as the
business bods try desperately to re-open, finish the refurb, get out of rehab
and Cormac try to put the Wharf back together again in time for Easter. Roll on
02 April 2004 10:11
Ugh. i thought the stories about spaghetti being worms were just something
you told kids!
Parents are probably securely tied down, or quite possibly already home (i'm a
terrible daughter, i don't check on their well-being). They only popped down for
a couple of days to prepare for the onslaught of grandchildren.
Your burpday is in October isn't it? Is the Seafood Transport Cafe where the
drivers of seafood lorries go or a cafe that sells seafood? Does this mean you
have a fuzzy head this morning? If places are reopening in readiness for the
Easter hols and the onslaught of the emmety masses, is there a chance of some
02 April 2004 10:29
Not according to the worms I speak to!
Grandchildren? I take it that's your nephs or have you been secretly reproducing
on the quiet?
It's just a (mostly) fishy restaurant in the bowels of Fore Street. Food's OK
(but expensive). Service was crap last night (not waiting for it but waiting for
them to get it right). We'd have rather gone to Hobblers but t'weren't available
Fuzzy everything this morning. Not due to the affluence of incohol but the
wrinklies caught stonking colds in Portugal which they brought back with them.
And having been incarcerated in the car with them when I went to retrieve them
from Executor Airport last Satanday ..... like a man with a phobia about german
sausages, I fear the wurst!
02 April 2004 10:48
Grandchildren are my nephews; you know my view on children...
Is it new, i don't recall it (mind you i haven't been there for so long, i'm
beginning to forget the way).
Nice of them. First they go away without taking you and the present they bring
back is a cold!
02 April 2004 14:28
Oh well, at least you can leave it to your parents to deal with the wetsuit
No, it's been here a couple of years now. Won an award in its first season.
Perhaps you should stowaway in a suitcase the next time the relis are visiting
St. Ives and refresh your memorabilia.
In fairness, they did bring back a bottle of (should be when it's matured)
vintage port (1999). The only problem is that the effects of the cold have
arrived many years before I will get to benefit from the port!
Mind you, I could be maligning them. It could be that travelling so far north to
Executor was the cause.