Like A Goth To A Flame - E-Mail correspondence with Spooky St. Ives

Having sought enlightenment form the Saintlets I understand that your hatred for Boarders is due to you being a Townie or, very possibly, a gay Goth. So, now we know
=====
Benatugana - Tereba nessa - Winwaloe

Urk! What age did you say the sprogs were?

Townie is a new one on me. Does it have some connotation other than the obvious? Skateboarding being so urban and all, I would have thought a country bumpkin analogy would be more apt form of derision than townie.

As for gay goth. Well, I'm never quite sure how to take 'gay' these days. I always used to take it as having its usual homosexual allegation but the kids I knew on the IoM when I coached a junior footie team (see, I'm not a child-hater) seemed to use it as some analogy for 'bad', 'duff', and generally 'ungood, uncool and embarrassing'. Hence, 'do you want to go down the prom after the game' ... 'no, that's a really gay idea'. I once heard a St. Ives surf urchin explain that he got crap Crimbo pressies because his dad was 'really gay'. Clearly the existence of said surf urchin would argue the contrary, so I don't think they use 'gay' in such a literal way as we old fogies might be used to.

As for goth, well ..... I must admit that I did enjoy sacking Rome with Alaric but I could never really quite get into the (original) goth scene even in my deformative years. I quite liked early Cure, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Mission, Sisters of Mercy musically but I could never be arsed about the eyeliner, black everything and pixie boots.

Still, as Bertie Bassett would say, it takes allsorts to make the world (and your bowels) go!

It seems The World of Kevin is populated by Skaters, Townies and Goths. My understanding is that Skaters are tops, Goths are OK but Townies are right gays. Your definition of Gay as uncool is quite correct! Re the sacking of Rome, who is he and what did he do wrong? -

Well, he was this empire, y'see. He'd inherited the family business which had been running successfully for several centuries but he turned out to be completely useless and so Mr. Alaric T. Goth (late of Germania) sacked him and took over. Bloody Germans, eh? Just seem to have this compulsion to occupy other people's countries! Anyway, they got their comeuppance when the Huns turned up and trashed what was left of the place after the Goths settled down with their pipes and slippers expecting a comfortable retirement.

The barbarians, eh? Great rugby team but, reading through the history books, they do seem to have behaved quite badly off the pitch from time to time!

PS. You forgot to say how old your sprogs are/were/will have been. Skateboarditis is like cholera, it tends to prey on certain sections of society more than others but it seems that just about anyone can catch it. The oldest skateboarder I've come across here so far is in his 40's, so your sprogs could in fact be daytime bank managers and urban gorillas [sic] by night!

12 & 14 - - The Saintly brain has been working on your problem and has an answer. Suggest you organise an official skateboard rally. Then, and here is the cunning bit, tell the local plods that the rally is a great Cornish tradition to commemorate the fact that the Skateboard was actually invented by a Cornishman. If you can convince them that the rally has, in fact, been going on for several years without any problems or mishaps so much the better. St. Ives finest will then pull the "Health & Safety" cracker and out will jump all sorts of reasons why it, they, them, those etc.etc. should be banned. Should work I feel.

How's the Sloop?

I would (but won't be allowed to) like to think of myself as a fair jelly. What I despise is not emmets, children, saints, WPCs, skateboarders, etc. but hypocrisy and stupidity wherever they occur. Unfortunately the last two are the foundation of modern government, society, TV, etc. and so I appear to face my final curtain.

Which is, in some ways, a pity ..... because just as I thought I had you safely pinned in the corral of chilling logic, you decide to finally manifest your psychic powers!

A meeting took place at the Guildhall on Monday between the ungruntled resis, the police, town and district council, at which many words were spoken but my spies inform me that:-

Now, call me a git (feel free, everyone else is) BUT had the police been prepared to come forth and publicly admit the latter statement I would have been glad to aid SSI's feeble support to the former. However, as the Russians discovered at Stalingrad, when you're under siege you don't waste time worrying about the welfare of the 'enemy at the gates'. As far as I am concerned, at this stage, if the powers-that-be are responding its only because pressure was brought upon them. [My spies also report that the main contribution of chief exec of Penwith District Council, Jim McKenna, was to bemoan what it would cost "him" if St. Ives had an official skateboard park built].

I doubt I'll still be around to see what happens but it will be fascinating to see if PDC (or any other civil authority) torpedoes the plan or if 'the angry residents of the houses around the Rugby Club' break out in NIMBYism. Then what?

PS. Sloop on life support. Irish Mark (he of The Union fame) has temporarily stepped up pending some berk coming forward for the official job. [£30,000 per annum as widely advertised in the local classifieds. The bar staff get less than a fiver an hour so whoever ultimately succeeds is going to have an interesting challenge in building team spirit!].